Why is it that members of the QUILTBAG community are taken to task for being ‘too…’ while heterosexual people are not? It’s a pretty clear function of privilege—people don’t challenge behaviour they see as ‘normal’ and heterosexuality is read as ‘normal’ despite the fact that very few people are actually purely heterosexual, as the Kinsey Reports helpfully demonstrated. Normalising expression of all sexualities rather than just one would make society of a hell of a lot safer for everyone and I don’t see anything ‘too gay’ about that.
I note that the sexuality of gay men in particular is often perceived as threatening. They are either deemed too sexually aggressive or they are deemed too flouncy and flamboyant for polite company. Policing gay men’s sexuality has really harmful effects, both on gay men and society. Plenty of people are flouncy and flamboyant. Being a man who is flamboyant does not make you gay, but thanks to stereotyping and policing, femme men are often assumed to be gay. If they aren’t, well, ‘it’s only a matter of time,’ people say sagely while nodding their heads. A man who chooses to wear dresses or skirts now and then, to dress in women’s clothing, is presumed to be gay because he isn’t performing heterosexual masculinity to the satisfaction of everyone around him. Men who play with their gender expression and sexuality are deemed frightening and scary and they must be shut down; they’re ‘in your face’ and we can’t have that.